What to a criminalized survivor is a day of Thanksgiving? Well we come in many varieties, but I will attempt to give you a glimpse from my point of view. Today, I am not allowed to go to my family to eat, to laugh, to fellowship, or to commiserate. I am not allowed to leave NYC for any reason, even though I am not proven guilty.
My family had to “waste” their most recent visit on my latest court date. They want to make sure the government knows I am a person with loved ones, a community who cares. They are not wealthy. They do not have unlimited time off from work. We knew that this visit would be wasted, not used on this most complicated of holidays, for which we usually get together just to celebrate, well, being together.
Today, like many across the country, we dressed up only to be able to FaceTime; but unlike many of you sidelined doing the same, it isn’t really our choice. Yet it may surprise you to know I am beyond grateful all the same. You see, I am no longer confined at Rikers Island. At least I was able, sometime during this month, to touch my family, laugh, hug, experience going to sleep near them and wake up to a crowded home filled with their presence, even if not on this very day. I also have faith that I will regain my full freedom soon.
Most criminalized survivors are not so lucky. Some are awaiting trial, not deemed guilty by a court of law, yet haven’t been granted bail or even release to electronic monitoring, which is still in no way to be confused with actual freedom. Too many are in prison, serving sentences because they wouldn’t have survived their abuse had they not defended themselves or participated in some forced crime. Some have been “freed” after serving jail terms, and they too are not the same kind of free as you.
These system traumas change us, cage us, abuse us better than any one human can. The things I will someday tell you about my time at Rikers Island and since, I think, will convince you. No human deserves to be abused and survive, only to be abused even better by the government. So on this day of “thanksgiving”, however you choose to celebrate it or not, please dedicate a moment of your thoughts to those among us, who might not feel free to give thanks.